Riptide
by Touch of Gray
Summary: Selphie gives an impromptu speech on life, love, and how to survive when you're staring death in the face. Sort of.


rip/**tide**

For today and today only, you've been graced with my presence. That's right, the great Selphie Tilmitt, world-saver extraordinaire, has come to your little town to discuss life and love and how to survive when you're staring death in the face. Or just a rabid Galbadian Soldier. Same difference. Those guys tend to go a _little_ crazy when they're cornered. You've gotta know where to hit them (groin or knee, whichever you're more comfortable abolishing).

But anyway, I'm here because I was asked to come, because Quistis is busy, Squall is busy, Irvine is busy, Zell would make a fool of himself, and Rinoa mysteriously vanished when I tried to chase her down and make her come instead. I don't really like public speaking, but I guess it's karma. I did force Squall to be all speech-y a lot, and he hates talking to people more than he hates Seifer. And that's a lot.

So I guess we're starting with life, right? The meaning of it and all? Well, I don't know. How's that? I don't really have an answer to any of it. I guess it just happens, you know? That's really it. Life sucks sometimes, and don't I know it. You've never been stuck somewhere in the barren expanse of Trabia with two very angry companions who can't stop arguing for three seconds so they might be able to find their way back to civilization, while freezing to death and constantly terrified that a monster Blue Dragon is gonna pop up any second and destroy you so completely they have to scrape you off the trees.

Or, well, I hope you haven't. And I hope you never will. Trust me, it's no fun.

That's the thing about saving the world, you know. Everyone acts like it was just a "well, let's annihilate Ultimecia. Bang, bang! Okay! Saved the day!" sort of thing. Well, it's not. It wasn't. It was a lot of gathering items for better weapons, running around to boost our strength, and exploring terrifying, god-forsaken parts of the world to find a better GF. Oh, and don't forget the rampant battles against the absolutely horrifying monsters, like that Omega Weapon.

Anything named "Weapon" is not something I really want to fight. The best way I can describe that was painful. Like, excruciatingly painful. Unbelievable. But we did it, and that's what matters, right? Not how we got there, because believe me, that wasn't so glamorous. When you've been stuck in the close company of five other people - two with so much unresolved sexual tension between them it made even me gag, one extremely energetic fighter with a hot temper, one ladies' man who enjoys pissing people off, one over-stressed ex-instructor, and well, me - you get chaos after only a little while. People learn very quickly whose sleeping bag _not _to sabotage (Quistis), who wouldn't notice if you did (Zell), who might kill you if you try (Squall), and who has odd sleeping habits (Rinoa. She absolutely must cover her head. Strange). You get used to your companions, and then you want to kill them.

Because after seven months of the same people, rare beds, even rarer edible meals, you begin to get sick of it all. Tempers wear thin, and before you know it, you're snapping about things that used to make you laugh. It's... depressing, really. That's the part of the adventure I'm glad they leave out when they tell the story. I don't wanna remember how Zell gave Irvine a black eye one day, or how Quistis slapped Zell after he stole a piece of her bread.

It's unnecessary.

So, let's talk about the good things, why don't we? The funny stories.

This one time, we were in Centra, and Zell decided to "scout" around. Stupid, really, but it's Zell. So he runs off ahead, right, and about ten minutes later, we're all setting up camp when Zell comes flying back, thorns sticking out of... uncomfortable areas. He claimed that a horde of rabid cactaurs descended upon him from out of nowhere ("And they started shooting their needles at me, and they were _laughing_ and oh, _dammit_, just shoot me - _this hurts really bad!_") Well, none of us believed him, so Squall organized a group (Him, Irvine, and me) and we went out to find this horde of insane cactaurs.

Turns out, Zell wasn't really paying attention to what was in front of him, and walked straight into a huge thorn bush. It wasn't even something that could be overlooked. He just ran straight into it. I don't even know how he did it. Seems impossible.

He turned the brightest color of TOMATO when we asked him about it later. The look on his face still gets me every time I think about it. He wouldn't talk to us for almost a week. Said we were traitors.

It's not my fault he doesn't know how to avoid getting thorned in the crotch.

There was also the time when Irvine froze all of Rinoa's bras and she somehow got a hold of all of his clothes, dyed them lurid colors, and strung them along the length of the Garden's second floor hallway. Heh. That was absolutely hilarious. Seeing Irvine running through the entire Garden with a miniature towel - because apparently, Garden thinks we're all five years old and give us towels sized accordingly - wrapped around his waist, screaming obscenities.

It was even better when Squall gave him an official reprimand for disrupting the peace. I do believe that's the closest Squall has ever come to mischievous.

Okay, technically, that happened after the Sorceress War. But it's still funny.

Oh, right. I'm supposed to be talking about certain things. What's next? Love, right?

Love. Um, I'm a really bad example about love. You see, I tend to fall in love with a lot of people. In fact, most guys. I just get smitten, like that. I was in love with Seifer for a while (and then I discovered that he lacked a heart), then Squall (because he was nice to me when I first met him), then Irvine (which might not be past tense)... You get the picture. I never say or do anything about it, really.

I just wish I would.

Ugh. I don't wanna talk about love. Love is nice when it works out, okay. But it doesn't really do that all the time. And sometimes you get to be Miss Unimportant Third Wheel. And it sucks, but what can you do?

Besides revenge. But that never works anyway. It just makes you feel worse, because then the guy you're all ga-ga over is covered in egg yolk and looks pretty pathetic. Not hot at all. And you really can't do anything about it, because if you do, he'll probably figure out that it was you who rigged the egg-attack-of-doom and made him look like an idiot. And then he'll never want you.

...Am I out of time yet?

No?

Okay. Um. What else should I talk about? I don't know that much about life, or about love. What I do know really isn't good advice (except the thing about revenge. Take that advice. Trust me). It's kind of pointless. But I don't think anyone else would have done better.

I mean, what do any of us know? We're heroes, sure. But I'm still only eighteen. I've still got a lot of living to do. So, um. I'm not a goddess. I'm not perfect. I'm just a kid who got caught up in something. You know, a riptide. You get pulled under and before you know it, you're halfway out to the Deep Sea Research Center, and then you're really screwed. And the only thing to do is stop fighting and let the current take you wherever.

I guess that's my advice about living. Don't fight it so much. Just go with it - it'll work out in the end, I promise. Live like you'll always have another day to repent. Because then you can feel free to do the stupid things and enjoy it all. There's no point in living if all you're ever gonna do is sit at a desk and organize papers all day.

Let go, and live it, all right. If you fall in love with a jerk, make getting revenge count, because you're gonna regret it later. If you run straight into a thorn bush, look ahead of you next time. If you're stuck with the same people for seven months straight, learn to love them for all their stupid acts.

And for the love of all that is holy, if you piss Rinoa off, hide your clothes.

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(A/N: Blah.)


End file.
